I just made out with a guy for $7.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
