Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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