bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
