You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
