Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize