I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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