You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
