I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
