Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
