I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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