you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
