as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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