i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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