my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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