I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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