As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
