is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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