Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
