Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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