I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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