How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
