"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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