He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
