You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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