I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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