Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
