guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
