oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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