Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
