Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
