Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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