: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
