God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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