I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
