I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
