Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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