You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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