So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
