Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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