But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
