and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
