just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I supernannyed him into submission
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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