It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
