Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
