genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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