8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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