did you get engaged???
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
