So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
