in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
