Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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