Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
