I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
