East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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