Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
