Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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