Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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