dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's great music for shaving your balls
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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