Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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