So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
