I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
