Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
