Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
