I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
